This was a letter that I wrote to a group of pro-life advocates: Lila Rose, Jaime Jeffries, Laura Klassen, Albany Rose, Rebecca Kiessling, Christina Marie Bennett, Rachelle Oaks, Jennifer Christie, Kristan Hawkins, Candace Owens, Abby Johnson… obviously there are so many more brave and wonderful women fighting to end abortion.
The reason why I chose them was that I felt that they were a good cross section of the anti-abortion movement - some religious, some atheists, (one Satanist!) and of course, all women.
As for the reason for my writing a letter in the first place, I suppose the impetus was an errant fact stating that over 60 million abortions had been performed in the U.S since the passing of Roe v. Wade. It was a staggering revelation and one that caused me to view the dehumanization of the unborn as the same way the Nazis viewed the Jews, The Soviets the Kulaks, slave owners their slaves, and how every act of genocide is “justified” – by categorizing the victims as something not human and not deserving of any rights. It was that context that really motivated me to speak out, especially after being Pro-Choice for almost my entire life.
Beyond the statistic mentioned above, there were many incremental discoveries that brought me to my current stance, categorized as biological, medical, and ethical, and perhaps the greatest of them was the impact that abortion, as a practice and it could also be argued, as an ideology, has on our society, but to a much finer specific point – the impact on women.
I believe that so much more has to be done for women who are faced with an unplanned or unwanted pregnancy. Our motivation has to be founded on and guided by love for those women. In this, as in all things, if we are acting out of love, with a hope to make the world a better place, to genuinely help others, then our beliefs and prejudices become secondary.
Unlike the incredible women to whom I addressed this letter, my goal is NOT to see abortion illegal – my goal is to see abortion as unthinkable and unnecessary. The greatest insult to women faced with an unwanted pregnancy is telling them that they must surrender to the dictates of a world that will not allow them the freedom to be mothers, even if that motherhood is only measured in a span of weeks. My assertion is that if abortion is the best solution, then we have all, as people and as a society, failed. On the other side of the coin: if we feel that illegality is the best form of prevention, the punishment of women through the law, then we have failed just as spectacularly.
I realize that people’s views on abortion (pro and con) are practically held as religious dogma. Most of us believe what we believe simply because it’s what our political alignments dictate that we believe. We line up our reasons like battle lines and attack and defend as required. My goal is not to dismantle talking points or even to form arguments. That’s why I wrote to women who, for the most part, agree with the fundamentals of my position and yet do not focus on it since the crux of their stance is based on the moral distinction of the rights of the mother vs. the rights of the unborn child they are carrying. Therefore, to my dissenters, I would ask that you remind yourselves that the women below would be steadfastly against me when I say that my goal is not the illegality of abortion, since for most of the “anti-abortion” crowd, it is.
I would also ask that you keep an open mind, whichever “side” you find yourself to be on. If you still disagree with any of the points I bring up, then focus on that – rather than the most common approach followed nowadays of, “I disagree with all the points since he holds a different view than I do.” I feel confident that I will probably not dissuade anyone, since beliefs are seldom altered by a change of mind, but through a change of heart. In my case, it was not change brought on by realisation, but rather revelation. Therefore, in the grand arena of revelation, I hold no sway over others. Whether I am successful or not – I have tried to be gentle, to be kind, and to act out of love. I hope that you will follow those same tenets as you read.
To Today’s Suffragettes, the Fighters for the Voiceless, the Defenders of the Innocent, the Happy Warriors, etc. Greetings.
My apologies for this group missive but I wanted to reach out to all of you since you are all allies in the fight to end abortion. You’ve all been likened to the famous “voice in the wilderness” and rightly so, but in a modern context, you are also the voices at the podium, on the microphone, and on the bullhorn. Your battle is on the sidewalks in front of Abortion Clinics, in classrooms, community halls and theatres – frankly, at any venue that will accept your message of ending the violence against women and children. Your online presence through social media, television appearances and in person at marches and rallies are the magnification of your good work. Your passion for justice and rightness, your care for the most vulnerable and perhaps most stirring of all, your love for humanity is your testimony and your legacy. I am truly humbled and awed by all that you do.
Right or wrong, my handicap in this fight is that I am a man and although we realize that abortion is a human rights abuse that touches us all, it will forever be viewed as a woman’s issue. When confronted with the tired adage that if men got pregnant, there would be an abortion clinic on every corner, I am compelled to agree. That is probably true. Men are simply not as strong, resilient, or emotionally equipped to handle the burden of carrying a child within our bodies. I suppose that’s why God, the Universe, Mother Nature, Evolution, or Aliens from Outer Space (or whatever anyone chooses to believe in), decided that the best place for a newborn baby to come into existence and to safely develop is in a female’s body. A mother’s womb is the ideal location and men are not mothers. Of course, we all have our part to play in this fight and the “no uterus, no opinion” argument is utter nonsense, we don’t tell people who are not black that racism is not their business. Or, as banal as it may be, to say to an adult, “Since you are not a child, you should not speak out against child abuse.” Nevertheless, the fact is that this is a fight that is being fought for women and most effectively, by women. With that in mind, I wanted to reach out to all of you, as the most efficacious of fighters!
I feel confident, even supremely confident, that through your combined efforts, abortion will soon be viewed as anathema. Science, if not morality, can only be ignored for so long and the humanity of the unborn, while self evident to us, will soon be undeniable from a legal standpoint in the United States of America. The results of Roe v. Wade will likely catch up to biology and be overturned by its blatant opposition to the 14th amendment. In my view, it is that simple. What is not so simple is that the battle does not end there. There will still be a war for the hearts and minds of the opposition and that fact is an assurance that none of you will be out of a job anytime soon.
Although the illegality of abortion may be your greatest goal, I believe that it cannot be the whole of the battle. Abortion exists because it is a concise alternative to carrying a pregnancy to term. Abortion is, like it or not, quick, relatively easy, and efficient. Sadly, most people do not accept the fact that the quickest and easiest path is rarely the best one to take. Obviously, (to you at least) the adverse affects of abortion go beyond the killing of a child – the emotional, physical, and spiritual damage to post abortive mothers is incalculable. The struggle for mothers facing an unplanned and unwanted pregnancy is that it begins when they discover they are pregnant. It makes sense to seek the easiest and most convenient route and sadly, that is to have an abortion. If that procedure is the one most readily available, most exhorted, and presented as most feasible, then yes, that is the route they will most likely take. In fact, I have always thought (though rarely said) that every argument that the Pro-Choice side makes are 100% valid – if they were talking about an STD. Unfortunately for them, a fetus is not a sexually transmitted disease – it is a human child, and that child may have an emotionally and/or financially unsupported and terrified mother. It is those two wholly unique individuals who must be of the greatest consideration.
Finally, we come to my point – what can we offer as support to a mother with an unwanted baby if abortion is no longer be a legal option? We cannot, in good conscience, simply say to those who would formerly abort, “Just deal with it.”
As someone who leans toward libertarianism, I am always hesitant to invoke the powers of the state. However, I must concede that if government funding exists, it should first and foremost exist to serve those most deserving and vulnerable of people. All the funding presently going to abortion providers (not to mention wars, corporate bailouts, etc.) can be better spent on nurses, health care aides, OBGYNs, etc. Financial assistance must be readily available outside the walls of a clinic as well. There are innumerable small (and some large) costs that a mother faces on her own. Removing as many bureaucratic barriers as possible to access those funds must be in place. The government’s supporting role (at all levels) should be implicit.
Financial assistance aside, we cannot overlook the vital importance of emotional support that many young, single mothers require. Pregnancy counselors – individuals trained in assisting with all possible hurdles that a newly pregnant woman (or girl) may face should be in every clinic. Schooling, career, family members, itinerant or absent fathers, etc. may all be challenges that need to be confronted. In the most extreme cases, such as rape, incest, or an extremely young mother, would require the greatest of support in all its definitions and incarnations. These are the times when these brave women and girls most need a protective hedge to be raised around them for the duration of the pregnancy (and most certainly beyond the birth of the child. The help we give must never end with a pregnancy – we must do better in the months and years beyond!)
Within clinics, in addition to the aforementioned nurses, doctors and counselors, there ought to be legal assistance. While we should advocate for stricter penalties for discrimination against pregnant mothers from schools and businesses, there may be instances where litigation is required. The pejorative term “ambulance chasers” is given to lawyers who specialise in injury cases and perhaps a new designation can be invented (Stroller chasers? That sounds wrong. Anyway, someone wittier than me can come up with the name) for those who hang around Pregnancy Care Centres as there would definitely be a niche market for lawyers specializing in bringing litigation against employers, schools/colleges/universities, and businesses (to say nothing of the derelict fathers) that discriminate against pregnant women. The law must be a powerful weapon against those who would bring such harm against women.
People who are anti-abortion are sometimes called forced birthers. In a very technical sense, that may be true – we do expect women to give birth no matter if the child is wanted or not, but I don’t think anyone expects a woman to raise an unwanted baby. The fallacious and contextually inaccurate argument of children flooding into foster care (where parental reunification is the goal) can be easily rebuffed when we stress that adoption must be promoted and presented as a desirable option. How ludicrous and tragic is it that in the U.S, over 600,000 abortions are committed each year and yet only 20,000 babies are voluntarily given up for adoption? One of our main priorities must be to remove most of the barriers and bureaucratic strictures to make the adoption process far less onerous and prohibitive. After all, the argument that these unwanted babies would suffer far more than other children, that they would be the poorest, the most pathetic and unloved of urchins is made moot when the alternative is to be adopted instead of killed. Not only are they given a chance at life, but they are being set up to have the very best of life! That child would be the very essence of what it means to be blessed and privileged. The adopted child is the luckiest as they have been given the very best chance for success, the best starting off point in the best of environments. Wanted, cherished, and loved.
Since we are speaking exclusively of unwanted pregnancies, my role as a man has been sadly reduced to one of criminal accessory. While we have collectively abrogated our rights as fathers, we have also been absolved of any parental responsibilities. That too must change, both in the moral message as well as in the legal sphere. The aforementioned lawyers would be quick to act against delinquent fathers. Of course, consideration must be given that some women would prefer limited paternal involvement, therefore the extent of involvement from the father (financial or otherwise) must be determined by the mother. I find it an act of disgusting propaganda that the role of the father is completely removed except in the case of rape. Then the father is predominant – the cause of the pregnancy and the result of the act is not a mother’s child, but the extremely pejorative, “rapist’s baby.” In any case, men must be taken to task and held responsible. Men must now step up and assume the role of father, in all the best senses of the word.