Part 2: Hell

A lighthearted journey into the depths of Hell, where all who enter must abandon all hope (and common sense).

In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth. And then, 37 chapters later, we hear about Sheol (which probably means the Grave, but the King James people took it to be Hell, because… I dunno, that’s how they took it to be).

Hell was invented because religious types figured that God needed someplace to stick Satan and his demons - and also the VAST MAJORITY of people - to suffer eternal torment for not loving Him enough.

For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, to save a tiny percentage of the entire human race. It’s not because the Messiah didn’t do a very good job, it’s because people didn’t believe enough. Way to go 99% of all humanity since the dawn of time!

And you, who have often thought and sometimes said, “That guy deserves to rot in Hell!” are now being given the chance to make that happen! Congratulations, you are being put in charge of Hell. Not forever of course (that would be a terrible job). You’re only in charge for an hour and you only have one person to handle. That will make things a lot easier, right?

The first thing you need to know is that Hell (as construed by Christianity) is so undeniably hot and fiery and terrifying that we’ll moderate things a bit to make it more manageable for you. First, it’s not a Lake of Fire, or a Molten Pit or any of Dantes’ imaginations. Instead, it will be a Kitchen of Limited Appliances. It only has a stove - no fridge or sink or dishwasher. The stove is the only implement of torture that you’ll need to exert eternal (oops, 1 hour) of punishment.

Also, we’ll pick the absolute worst person that I can think of. It wouldn’t be very nice if you had to torture someone who went to Hell simply because they didn’t believe in Jesus Christ. That one may be tough to handle – some gentle old man who happens to be a Jew, or a Hindu, or any other basically decent people who didn’t accept Jesus as their personal Lord and Savior. No, the guy for you is a pedophile, rapist, murderer. The worst kind of human trafficking scum that you can imagine. (Sorry you didn’t get Hitler – he was already taken).

So, you enter the Kitchen of Hades (that sounds better I think), and the piece of shit child molester is thrown in with you. To your pleasant surprise, you are now a being of superhuman strength, and the sinner is weak as… I don’t know, let’s say weak as a child. Sorry for the inappropriate description, but at least you aren’t in charge of the eternal torture and punishment of a 12-year-old kid who’s strict Muslim parents would be heartbroken if he had become a Christian so he never said the “sinner’s prayer” or repented from all his 12 years of lightweight, boring sinful behavior – he died way before he could commit any serious sins, being a very obedient and religious child. But I won’t bring up those kinds of examples anymore! You deserve a clear conscience so no worries, you don’t have to deal with the kid. No, you get the evil child molester, pedo, sick bastard… so let’s get back to him:

He was definitely in for a rude awakening; dying and then being in front of the Judgement Throne of God who listed all his sins, notwithstanding the fact that he didn’t repent and ask for forgiveness and believe in Jesus Christ. He condemns him to Hell.

Pedo guy, for the first time in his gruesome existence, realizes the truth and how much he really screwed up. Sure, he always knew that what he was doing was wrong and sick and gross and disgusting. He called himself those same names. He was abused as a child himself by another sick bastard – and he tried to use that as an excuse as well. I shouldn’t have even brought it up. His rough life. His shitty parents, his lack of love and nurture as a child… forget I said anything.

He's crying, naked, kneeling and shivering despite the heat and he is grovelling right in front of you. Also, for the first time in his miserable life, he knows what it feels like to be completely cut off from God’s love. It was there all the time for the asking, but he never did. Now he is separate from God and all His grace, love, mercy, tenderness… his Heavenly Father has tossed him away and he is now completely unloved, and without even the tiniest shred of hope. He is doomed forever, without parole, without any chance of relief or redemption. He is afraid. No, that doesn’t cut it – he is terrified. He is ashamed, cowering, desperate… if there was ever a repentant heart, he has it, but it’s way too late for that. Maybe if he was shown this while he was on Earth – but no, that wouldn’t have made him change his ways and you know it.

C.S Lewis once said that the greatest fear anyone would experience would be in someone facing God in His wrath. God would be much more horrifying than the devil, because no matter how great the evil we face, we would always have a measure (however small) of hope. Hope that the greater power of good would prevail. If we faced an angry and vengeful God – there would be no rescue. There would be no salvation because there is no greater power that could save us. That is true despair and terror. Can you imagine feeling that way?

Back in the kitchen, your prisoner does what any panicked and pathetic soul does when all hope is gone. He voids himself. Ugh, it isn’t pretty. Disgusted but yet filled with the righteousness of your duty, you grab him by the hair and drag him, (obviously kicking and screaming) to the stove.

It’s an old-time coil top stove and the one element is burning bright red.

You grab his wrist and squeeze, forcing his hand to open. The fingers are splayed out and you pull him closer to the stove. That’s where you’ll start – his hands will be pressed against the element and through the miracle of Divine Punishment, his flayed and burnt flesh will heal without any relief from pain. He will have to endure this forever, after all, you can’t burn flesh if there’s no flesh to burn. Obviously, there is no release through mercy and no end to the torture by death. Before his hand even touches the element, he can imagine the sizzling sound of searing flesh, the rancid smell, the excruciating pain.

The heat grows more intense. His cries are louder, spittle flying, tears flowing, his entire body is a quivering, shaking mess… He is alone, completely abandoned and bereft of any shred of hope, love, or life. If someone where to intervene and give him one last chance, do you think he would take it?

Inches away, and the heat sears the skin of his hand. You know what it feels like. You’ve burnt your hand on the toaster, or on the frying pan. You’ve brushed your arm against the oven door when you took out the casserole. Your skin turned red, and blistered, and you may even still have a scar where it happened. The pain lasted long after. Days afterward you couldn’t even hold it near a heat source without it flaring up as a painful reminder. Do you remember how you instinctively jerked away when it first happened? But your prisoner can’t do that. He’s powerless. And his hand is moving inexorably closer… closer to burnt, blackened flesh, closer to more pain that he has ever endured in his life, closer to a greater agony that he had ever given to anyone else, closer to a punishment fit for Satan himself…

I’ll stop there. I don’t want to write about torture. I doubt you want to read about it either.

How is the very suggestion of Hell compatible with a loving God? How could any Father do this to one of His own children?

The idea of Hell comes from a twisted human perception. I think it appeals to our sense of justice that the wicked (you know, the OTHER people) get punished for being, well, wicked. But does the punishment fit the crime? I tried to paint a picture of someone being tortured for a matter of minutes and how devasting it would be even to you as a witness to such sufferings. If you are honest with yourself, you have to realize that even the worst person we can think of doesn’t deserve to be tortured for ETERNITY.

We can imagine redress being done to those that harm others. We cheer on prisoners beating up and even torturing and killing rapists or child molesters. To us, that is justice. But are we so just, so perfect, so righteous in our own standing that we can determine what punishments should be given – especially when the sentence is forever? Are we as wise as God? As loving? As forgiving? Obviously not.

Any god that would torture his children for minutes, much less for hours, much less for days, months, or years, would be nothing more than bloodthirsty and cruel beyond our comprehension. I could never worship a god like that. If you are honest with yourself, I don’t think you could either.

But I can certainly believe that there are people who can not only imagine Hell as an idea but would also use it to their advantage. Look at the history of the Catholic Church (or the Protestant Churches for that matter). Hell is a great tool for conversion. It’s a useful way to exert control over people. When the threat of Hell is at one’s disposal, you can be damn sure that they will us it. How many converts were made by an acceptance of love compared to a conversion based on the fear of Hell? Fear may be the greatest motivator known to mankind.

I obviously don’t have the time or space (or the inclination) to write out the history of Hell as an idea. Where it originated, why it was perpetuated, etc. But have no doubt, the resources are there for those who are so inclined to check.

And even so, like I stated elsewhere, I won’t play Bible Verse Ping Pong, where you ping a bunch of verses at me about Hell, and I pong back a bunch of verses that make the very idea ludicrous. Go argue with Mike and his team over at the Gospel Revolution. For me, the revelation of Hell was borne on the wings of common sense. The existence of Hell just wasn’t logical to me. Not as a place, not as a punishment, not as a concept.

If there is any definitive way that I could end this it would be like this: I am stating categorically, and without any fear of reprisal, that you are NOT going to Hell. The people you love (and even hate) are NOT going to Hell.

Please do not fear Hell. Please be comforted and encouraged and if possible, be filled with Joy in knowing that no matter what, when you die, you will be with God. You will spend eternity surrounded by and infused with the most powerful love that goes beyond anything that you or I or anyone could even imagine.

And now I’m not just talking to Christians, but to everyone, no matter what religious doctrine you follow – you are NOT going to Hell. You’re just as righteous as can be because of Jesus Christ, the Messiah.

And if you think about it. Like, really think about it. Isn’t one of the greatest gifts imaginable to not be afraid of death? Not yours, not anyone’s.

How nice is that?